not the onlydeadbeats.
"She" can be one too!
When you look at the deadbeat sites, ask yourself if you're
behaving like a deadbeat, and remember that men are victims of "her"
deadbeat mentality also.
Whether you are a custodial parent, a non-custodial parent, a
first wife, a second wife, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, ask yourself if you're behaving in
the best interest of the child.
We had another big drama last night. I believe bm is urging him
constantly to defy us. Last night the tall 16yo walked from the
kitchen, leaned over from the upper level dining room glaring at me
sitting in the living room with his dad sitting beside me and boldly
demanded, "You WILL get me plastic spoons by tomorrow!"
I'd never bought him plastic spoons in the first place. We just happened
to have a lot when we moved here. Ss uses them for a yogurt daily at
school. My girls are flexible, and could take a real spoon, clean it, and
return it. Ss is germ phobic.
Dh went off on ss about treating me with respect. Dh at first challenged
him, "Or what? Or what?" then demanded he ask me nicely. Ss
refused. Ss insisted his demands from me were necessary cuz I never
do what he says. Dh eventually threatened to take off his bedroom
door. Ss has a new thing. He says, "Go ahead, that won't bother
me." Things had settled down, but ss had to have the last word
and came downstairs to challenge dh again, "I just want to let you
know, you can take my door off anytime for however long you want to, it
won't bother me." So dh did.
Ss had a fit, "Why did you do that?!?" He argued with dh
that the statement was not showing a lack of respect to dh. Ss
decided to march thru the house to find the pins for the door and put it
back on. Dh told him, if you do that, it'll stay off a week. I
stayed quiet the whole time. The dynamic in our home has changed. The tall
hormone riddled teen used to listen to me more than his dad (I think it
had to do with being with his mom for so many years), but now responds
better to his dad's authority.
Ss, we thought, gave up and went upstairs. Dh whispered to me with a
chuckle the pins were behind the removed door in the hallway.
A little while later something told me to check it out. Ss had found the
pins, and quietly (god knows how without us hearing) put the door back on.
Dh removed it. Ss had a fit. At first he tried to beg forgiveness so the
door would go back on immediately, but when that didn't work he called his
mother (10:30pm), trying to scare dh. Dh just said, "I'm not
talking to her" and left the room.
About 10 minutes later dh went upstairs where ss was still on the phone
with his mother. Dh quietly and firmly said, "It's bedtime." To
dh's surprise, ss told his mom, "I have to go." and went to bed.
I think ss was telling tall tales to his mother and didn't want dh to hear
the tales or tell her different, or ss hadn't told her what was happening,
just wanted his dad to think he was complaining to his mom and his mom
would throw a fit.
Then we realized that tho I'd told him I wouldn't have a car today to pick
him up from school, I forgot to tell him I wouldn't have a car to take him
to school (dropping it off at dealership early morn to fix air). Under the
circumstances, dh decided to leave for work late, and take ss to school.
I just talked to dh. Ss has agreed to treat us with respect, but is in
we won't treat him with respect. His version of treating him with respect
is catering to his every whim. He thinks we are controlling and
manipulative. He doesn't know the difference between parents being in
charge of their home and their kids or controlling and manipulative
behavior. Ss thinks he's supposed to be the boss in this house. Dh
reiterated over the phone to me, that's not going to happen.
It's going to be a long couple of years in high school, and then I imagine
the controlling manipulative behavior on ss's part when he's at a far away
college, and is demanding money or something else.
I expected him to threaten to go live with his mom. I wouldn't be
surprised if after high school he goes to live with her.