Summer '99 dh won custody.
Bm tried to convince ss what
terrible parents we were.
He'd finished his school year with his mom with 2 D's. Homework at
bm's home used to take 5 hours a night. Bm would sit at his side
At our home, we had a strict 4-6pm homework with the door open, his
using the timer and accomplishing something every 10 minutes. His
grades were improving. He learned to do homework in a timely
manner on his own.
I don't remember what the conversation was about, but ss
told us, "I was just talking to mom about how unreasonable you both
Bm, her mother, and ss think that's supposed to change
our behavior. It doesn't. And we don't get offended by what she thinks.
What she thinks is often askew.
We made it clear our boundaries were staying in place.
I think it was the next day that I went up to check that
the kids were doing their homework. My girls were, and I knocked on ss's
door to tell him it had to be open.
I went across the hall. I don't think he knew I was
still there. I heard, then saw him quietly close his door. I opened the
door, repeated the boundary, and sternly told him he'd lose his door if
he didn't do what I say. Ss remarked unbelieving that I would do
that. I repeated, "You'll lose the door if you don't keep it
open when I say to."
My 12yo came downstairs to quietly tell me ss had closed
the door again.
I grabbed a screwdriver and took his door off the
Ss was shocked and appalled that I would actually do
that, and that he was going to be without privacy.
I always let dh know over the phone asap what's going
down so we can be united in dealing with something like this.
Ss ranted and raved for awhile trying the same tactics
his mother or her parents would use to get me to put the door back on.
Those tactics don't work here. I warned him the next thing he'd be
losing is his phone. He wouldn't stop. He lost his phone. I
warned him the next item would be his computer.
Dh came home. Ss was now trying to be reasonable. We
both stated he'd now lost his door and phone for a couple of days.
Life went back to sanity. Ss understood we weren't
going to be manipulated by his mom or him - til the next attempt. But
the lesson is sinking in.
In a later conversation bm was again trying to manipulate ss to stand
up against us. Ss just calmly repeated, "That's not in my
School year 2000 - ss hasn't needed my input. He's doing
his homework in a timely manner on his own and doing well.