Dh won custody summer '99. In a school assignment, ss writes about
wanting to commit suicide a year earlier. Teacher calls me alarmed.
Dh asks ss about it. Ss just sobs. Dh said, "Ok, we don't
have to talk about it now, but this weekend we're going to talk about
it."
I faxed the pediatrician the story. He referred us to a therapist, we
made an appt for Monday.
On the weekend we gently ask again. Ss tells us he went to a jr hi
dance. His grandfather came to pick him up. His grandfather had been
smoking in the car and ss didn't want to get in. Grandfather left ss
at school. School had to call asking them to pick up ss. At home bm
and her parents are all arguing with ss. Ss said he wanted to commit suicide. Their response was
grounding him for 2 weeks, especially from any contact with his dad.
Ss remarked that unlike his mom and her parents, he knew we wouldn't
ignore it. (Unlike bm and her parents who also kept hidden from dh that bm
suffered from bipolar since teenage years, didn't get her treated, thus
the nearly horrific incident with ss at age 9 months that won dh
custody.)
Ss and I go to the Monday therapist appt. I'm having to fill out
the form with many questions, including details ss doesn't know yet, i.e.
his mom's bipolar condition and her time in jail. His eagle eyes and
ears are trying to pick up all info. I'm trying to step outside for
privacy. The therapist comes outside to get us.
Ss stumbles thru his story, and isn't clear. I've learned to be able to
let go, and I let ss stumble until therapist asks for my help. I ask ss,
"Are you having trouble telling the story cuz I'm here or cuz you
don't know him (pointing to the therapist)." Ss says it's cuz he
doesn't know the therapist.
I tell the
story. I tell our response. Bottom line, therapist said he felt
we were handling it all appropriately and ss didn't need another appt.
Dh matter-of-factly wrote a letter to bm telling about the school
assignment, what happened between ss and us, and what happened at
therapist's office. Funny, she never responds to those letters.
I wrote therapist about bm's bipolar condition, her time in jail, and
why I was outside answering the questions on the form in order to give
therapist a reality check, and thank him for
the visit. I cc'd pediatrician.
Concerned Stepmom
